The Fantastic Saga of SNAOL!
by Pennhothwen
Summary: By permission of Camilla Sandman, creator of OFUM. Collaborative effort of many SNAOL members: the Sisterhood of Not-As-Obvious Lusters. Come along with us as we drool over Lust Objects and try in vain to avoid the minis! ***NOTE: Membership is CLOSED.***
1. Three people makes a real student organi...

Penn's Author's Note:  
  
Well in this case, I, Pennhothwen, am only partially the author. My collaborators on this chapter are Aranel and Nodalec. (psst… Aranel, Nodalec, if you have author's notes you want me to add, send them to me and I'll revise this posting.) Also, anyone who sees typos or other boo-boos, I beg of you to inform me either by review or email. (doxsey33@hotmail.com) Thanks! I'm a perfectionist, but my spell-check isn't working for some reason, so it's hard to get every typo by eye alone. I'm still trying, though… any help would be greatly appreciated.  
  
Anyway, this was great fun to write, and Miss Cam said 'it looks okay', so here's the first chapter of The Great SNAOL Collaboration!  
  
Disclaimer: Camilla Sandman owns OFUM in all its forms, we're just grateful she lets us play in it. J.R.R. Tolkien owns Middle Earth in all its forms, and we're doubly grateful to be allowed to play there, too. Jay and Acacia own the PPC, and I hope it's ok that I mentioned it in here… heh, yeah. Anyone who thinks we're making any money from this ought to get his or her head examined. Heh.  
  
Penn walked into the empty conference room that Miss Cam had generously made available for the purpose. "SNAOL, eh?" she muttered. "First meeting." Secretly she wondered if anyone would actually show up.  
  
Aranel tugged on her shirt nervously as she opened the door to the hall. A grin split her face when she saw Penn already there. "Heya, are we the only ones so far?"  
  
Penn grinned. "Yep, so far it's just us." Looking around, she saw the unmistakable signs of a Morgoth-Sauron Supremacy Battle - pitted, blackened holes in the ceiling and walls. No wonder Miss Cam hadn't minded donating this room. "So... is this it? SNAOL... two people... real encouraging, eh?"  
  
Feeling like her arms were about to fall off from carrying all the book(s) required for Elrond's class, Nodalec entered the room. "Umm... SNAOL, right?" she asked, glancing at the almost empty room.  
  
"Woohoo!" Penn did a little happy dance. "Three people - that makes a real student organization!"  
  
"We'll have more people in no time." Aranel grinned and helped Nodalec with her books. "I hope anyway..."  
  
Nodalec laughed. "Aren't you two optimistic," she commented. She set her books down and then used them as a nice stool to sit upon.  
  
"Aw, yeah," Penn shrugged. "I'm sure people will show up. I mean, I was just talking to Amber, and she said she was coming. Dunno what could have held her up..." She shuddered as she imagined the possibilities. The minis had slowly been returning to normal after their - ahem - mass romantic interlude. As a result, they were bright, chipper, and even more vigilent. And Amber had been known to attract their attention, on occasion.  
  
"She's too nice to those Balrogs." Aranel stated. "Normal people don't carry around eggs for them."  
  
"Normal people don't go to universities that reside in Middle Earth either," Nodalec pointed out mildly.  
  
"Pfft. I know, really..." Penn glanced around nervously as if she'd been reminded of something, then wandered casually over to her backpack to check on the egg stash within. Satisfied, she ambled back over to where Nodalec was sitting.  
  
"You know... If I didn't know any better, I'd think you two were trying to get on their good sides." Aranel wrinkled her nose. "If they even have one."  
  
"Well, you can't be too careful, can you?" Penn's eyes glazed over as she thought about her personal mini-balrog 'friend', Glorfindell. "Besides," she said, smiling, "they have feelings too, Aranel. Have a heart."  
  
Nodalec gave a wry smile. "They don't have a good side," she told Aranel. She flipped some of her dark brown hair over her shoulder. "Have a heart indeed," she muttered.  
  
Aranel nodded in agreement. "So what's our first order of business, then?"  
  
"Hm," mused Penn. Then she grinned evilly. "Well, I guess we could always start with electing officers."  
  
Nodalec looked from Penn to Aranel, then back to Penn. "You realize, that with three people, an election would be rather odd."  
  
"Oh, Sauron's class must be wearing off on you." Aranel said, noting the disturbing look that just crossed Penn's normally cheery face.  
  
Penn's only response was to giggle - a rather unnerving little giggle, at that. "Maybe so." Then she cleared her throat. "Well, ok. So we can't start electing officers until there are more people around to vote. So, what else do we do, until then?"  
  
"We should try to get to know each other, shouldn't we? I mean," Aranel pushed back her too long red bangs. "We sort of know each other on sight, but we could do better."  
  
Penn thought about this for a moment, then extended her hand to Aranel. "Hi, Aranel, I'm Penn. Nice to meet you," she intoned, barely suppressing a smirk. "Just kidding," she added quickly. "I agree, we need to get better acquainted. I mean, after all, we're supposed to be a Sisterhood, here, right?"  
  
"Indeed," Nodalec agreed. "Why don't you go first?"  
  
Aranel giggled. "Yeah Penn. We'll follow the leader."  
  
"Uh... okay. Smart aleck! Well..." Penn shoved her hands into her back pockets and sighed. "I'm 23 years old, freakishly tall, human, and female. That's back in real life. Somehow, I ended up here as a freakishly normal elf-maiden." She ran a hand through her long brown hair, continuing, "I have an unhealthy Glorfindel fixation, but as we all know, stampeding only makes your feet hurt, so, that's why I joined SNAOL. We're still lusters, we just aren't as *obvious* about it."  
  
Nodalec shook her head. "While I don't know you that well, I have a feeling 'normal' is not a word that describes you."  
  
Penn giggled again. "Oh... you're right about that, Nodalec. All too right." She grinned. "Why don't you go next?"  
  
Nodalec gave a mock-bow in Penn's direction after standing up. "Your wish is my command," she grinned, before starting her own introduction. "My name is Nodalec. I'm 16 and a half years old, tall, human, and female." Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she went on. "My lust object is Boromir, because he's a hottie. And I've never written a Mary Sue."  
  
"I wish I could say that." Aranel muttered, flushing a deep red color.  
  
"Ah, so we might be changing our name to the 'Sisterhood of Tall Chicks Who Lust After Hotties'," Penn murmured, nodding approvingly.  
  
Aranel grinned. "Well, back in real time I'm freakishly short and obviously human. Here... well. I'm pretty much the same here. No sense changing perfection, right?" Penn just laughed eerily.  
  
Nodalec laughed. "Perfection indeed."  
  
"Sorry... yeah," Penn apologized. "Haven't been getting enough sleep lately - I've been reading up on the PPC, seeing exactly what courses I need to get on my transcript for them to let me in after I graduate."  
  
"That was a joke..." Aranel trailed off before clearing her throat and moving on. "Anyway, my lust object is in all reality Mablung. He's a Ranger, and pretty much nobody knows who he is. Except for me!" She concluded triumphantly.  
  
"Aren't you lucky," Nodalec commented. "Does he know you?"  
  
At that, Penn patted Aranel on the back. "Points for originality, m'dear." She shot a look at Nodalec. "At least *her* fellow isn't a pincushion..."  
  
"Eg, sort of. He smiled at me and helped me up once after Sauron threw me across the building." Aranel grinned. "I still haven't washed my hand!"  
  
"Glorfindel," Nodalec pointed out, a bit coldly, "wasn't even considered important enough to be in the movie."  
  
"Ew..." Penn eyed Aranel's hand, and thought about this for a moment. "Well, I guess I wouldn't either... but... ew." Then she appeared to register what Nodalec had said. "Hey!"Her eyes filled with barely suppressed rage. "That damn Arwen..." she growled.  
  
Nodalec looked at Aranel funny, then glanced down at her hands, before sitting down on her books again and giving a smug smile to Penn.  
  
"Oh! Chick fight!" Aranel hopped up on one of the tables. "Proceed. I'll just watch."  
  
Nodalec bit her tongue to keep from saying anything. She wasn't sure how far she could push Penn before she went on a homicidal rage or anything close to that. She decided that it would be best not to insult Penn's lust object, after all. Penn, though, looked exasperated. "Can't we just get along? I mean, we're not the enemy here..." She threw up her hands.  
  
Aranel looked disapointed but got back down. "Fighting is really more of a Sisterhood of Evil thing anyway."  
  
"Yep," Penn said, getting happy again. "And I'm not in *that*. My chosen side is 'good', thank you very much. Because we always win." She looked smug. "Miss Cam even said so."  
  
Nodalec raised an eyebrow and then grinned. "Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb," she quoted.  
  
Aranel suddenly went teary eyed. "I miss Mel Brooks so much!"  
  
"Aww," Penn patted her commiseratingly. "I understand. When I first got here, I almost went mad from lack of Python."  
  
"But you have Mudlung, or whoever," Nodalec pointed out.  
  
"Mablung!" Aranel snapped.  
  
Nodalec grinned and shrugged. "I'm horrible with names. Besides, they sound rather the same..."  
  
Aranel ground her teeth and tried to laugh, but it came off as more of growl. "Really? You think?"  
  
Nodalec decided it would be safer to back off before she lost her arm or anything to that extent. "Every so often I do try to think," she responded cautiously. "Though it rather hurts my brain."  
  
Aranel softened slightly. "Oh, think nothing of it then."  
  
Penn had jumped up onto the nearby Morgoth-scarred table. "Ok, ok, girls, let's not turn this into anything ugly. I mean, we can all take a little good-natured ribbing..." She trailed off, as it became clear that no one was listening to her. "Good, good," she murmured. "At least I won't be wiping up any blood... yet."  
  
Nodalec looked up at Penn. "Um...what's next on the agenda?" she asked, not really wanting to stay on a subject that could be dangerous to her health.  
  
Suddenly Aranel flew towards the window (well, more like hole...). "Oh, oh! There he is!" She pointed wildly at a far off figure. "That's him!" By now her voice had hit a rather high range. "I will not stampede." She bagan to chant under her breath. "I need my towel!" she wailed.  
  
Penn peered out the 'window'. "Ah, yeah. He's, um, cute, Aranel. Here." She handed Aranel a small hand towel. "Or will you be needing something bigger? More absorbent, perhaps?"  
  
Nodalec stood up and and walked over to the hole in the wall. "Who are we looking at?" she asked, looking out.  
  
Aranel didn't reply, she just gnawed on the towel. "MuphRangerness," she managed to mumble through the wad of cloth.  
  
"Mad-lung," Penn replied absently, as she helped Aranel with drool damage control.  
  
"His name's Manmung," Nodalec corrected her.  
  
"Oh, sorry. By Eru, she drools a lot," Penn observed.  
  
"MABLUNG!" The shout reverberated off the walls, and Aranel was suddenly embarrassed to see him actually turning around and looking at her. "Eeep..."  
  
"Oops," Penn smirked.  
  
"Sorry," Nodalec said, not sounding very sorry at all. "I'm trying to decide if his name sounds like an exotic dish, or something you'd find on the bottom of your shoe."  
  
Aranel swept the towel behind her back. "Hey, isn't that Glorfindel with him?" she asked, nudging Penn, as a tall blond walked over to where the annoyed Ranger stood. "And I didn't name Mablung," the redhead snapped. "Tolkien did."  
  
Penn shrieked. "Ai! GLORFINDEL!" It came out a bit louder than she had anticipated, and suddenly there was not one annoyed lust-object, but two. Penn cowered on the floor, holding her head and rocking. And drooling.  
  
"Yes, but Tolkien never lusted after him," Nodalec replied, leaving the 'window' to get her towel, in case Penn needed it.  
  
"Oh my Valar! They're coming this way!" Aranel hissed, dropping down beside Penn.  
  
"Mmmph…" Penn accepted the proffered towel, wrapping it around her slack jaw.  
  
"Aren't ya'll lucky," Nodalec said with ill-disguised amusement. "Perhaps you can tell Maglunk how you feel about him."  
  
Penn was too busy cowering and gnawing on the non-Aranel-occupied end of the towel to answer her.  
  
"Ack! If you call him that one more time I'll-" Aranel was suddenly cut off by the very voice that reduced her to jelly.  
  
"Mablunk?"  
  
"Good afternoon, gentlemen," Nodalec said cheerfully. After all, they weren't her lust objects. She had no worries.  
  
Aranel jumped up, leaving the towel to Penn. "Oh man! You do look just like Temuera Morrison!"  
  
Nodalec's face kept twitching as she tried not to laugh. This was no easy feat. Penn, meanwhile, was still gnawing on the nearly-saturated towel. She looked a bit... dazed.  
  
Mablung lifted his eyebrow and leaned on the 'window/hole'. "Hey Glorfindel, I think you have an admirer." At that, Penn dropped into a dead faint. For a second, Nodalec was torn between helping her friend or laughing at her. Laughing won.  
  
Aranel was in a daze. "You have brown eyes," she told Mablung solemly.  
  
Glorfindel peered in. "Why yes, it would appear so. An admirer… poor thing." He laughed. "Lina was right, hormones are immortal."  
  
Aranel was still unable to stop staring at Mablung. "So Nodalec, how much of an ass do I look like right now?"  
  
Nodalec barely heard the question, she was laughing so hard. Looking up from her doubled-over position, she grinned. "Do you really want me to answer that? I mean, if I don't, you can keep the fantasy that you look totally normal."  
  
Glorfindel glanced uneasily at Mablung. "Perhaps... we should take our leave, sir Ranger?"  
  
"My eyes refuse to blink." Aranel nudged Penn until the girl gave a halfhearted groan. "Wake up... They might leave."  
  
"I'm sure these two would rather you stay," Nodalec gasped amid her laughter.  
  
"We promise not to tackle you! We're members of SNAOL!" Aranel gulped. "This is good practice." He voice was particularly high on 'practice'.  
  
Bleary-eyed, Penn stared up at Aranel. "Why did you wake me up?" she moaned. "I was having such a lovely dream about Glor... Glorfin... Oh Eru." He was actually looking at her. She swooned again. Visibly.  
  
"Stop it!" Aranel kicked Penn in the shoulder. "Control, we need control. Anybody have any eye drops? I'm feeling rather dry."  
  
Glorfindel cleared his throat. "Yes, Mablung, we were on our way to a very *important meeting of S.I.C.T.N.I.T.M, remember?" He elbowed Mablung urgently.  
  
Mablung glanced at him. "You know, you may be used to having girls gawk at you, but I'm not. I want to savor the moment."  
  
"I want to savor you!" Aranel said without thought.  
  
Penn gazed at Glorfindel, seemingly unaware of his growing uneasiness. "Aah... you're... so beautiful, my valiant elf Lord... so... gorgeous..." she mumbled, before drool got in the way again.  
  
Nodalec finally managed to keep her amusement to snickers, instead of her usual loud laughter. "Oh my valiant elf lord," she mimicked, softly so Penn wouldn't hear, "let me drool at your feet."  
  
But Nodalec hadn't counted on Penn's elvish sense of hearing. Penn whirled to face her. "You're just lucky *Boromir* isn't around, you hypocrite," she hissed through clenched teeth.  
  
"Oh, Boromir, is it?" Glorfindel brightened. "He's right over there. Boromir! There's a young lady here who'd like a word with you!"  
  
Nodalec, chagrined, muttered at Penn, "I'm going to kill you slowly. Preferably in Morgoth's dungeon. Where's my towel?"  
  
"Here," Aranel thrust the dripping one at Nodalec. "This one's only slightly used."  
  
Nodalec stepped back quickly. "Umm… I'll try to tough this out without a towel," she said hurriedly. She tried to peer out past Glorfindel and Mablung to see if she could see Boromir. She couldn't.  
  
Aranel brazenly stepped up to where Glorfindel was and pushed him aside. "Hello, Lord Boromir."  
  
"Good day. Glorfindel, what trickery are you up to?" Nodalec's knees gave out on her when she heard Boromir's voice, and she sat down rather suddenly on the floor.  
  
Glorfindel regarded Boromir with an air of mock injury. "Why, there is no trickery about me, Son of Gondor. It's only that this young lady expressed a desire to speak with you." His eyes held more than a glimmer of amusement as he motioned toward the unfortunate Nodalec.  
  
Aranel snickered. "She deserved it. Calling him Mublunk."  
  
Nodalec gave a squeak that was definitely a couple of octaves above her normal speaking range, and then shut her mouth, determined not to drool. She favored Aranel with a death glare. Glorfindel elbowed Mablung again. "As I was saying, Sir, we were on our way to a vital meeting of the S.I.C.T.N.I.T.M, were we not?"  
  
Mablung nodded. "Yes, we were indeed. Farewell, ladies." He winked at Aranel, causing her to drop to the floor beside Nodalec.  
  
Penn sighed loudly as Glorfindel turned away. "Ah... my valiant elf Lord..."  
  
Aranel kicked Penn soundly. "Stop saying that."  
  
Boromir looked into the window. "Which one?" he asked, looking at the three rather stricken girls.  
  
"The dark headed one." Mablung called back to him.  
  
"The dark-haired one who's not an elf," Glorfindel amended.  
  
Nodalec nearly melted into goo when Boromir looked at her.  
  
Mablung laughed. "Yes, the elf-lass belongs to our 'valiant elf lord'."  
  
The girls all clamored to their feet and watched their lust objects walk away. "I want him so badly." Aranel moaned.  
  
"Me... too..." Penn's eyes looked permanently glazed. "But at least we didn't stampede, right?" She looked at Nodalec, who nodded vaguely.  
  
"I touched Glorfindel." Aranel inclined her head to one side. "I've never done that before."  
  
Penn instantly un-glazed herself. "What? When did this happen?" she yelped. "Was I passed out?"  
  
"When I pushed him out of the way. It was a gentle nudge really... no, you were just sitting there." Aranel shrugged. "He's hard… in a silky kind of way. Well, his shoulder, that is."  
  
Penn looked as if she were about to start crying. Then, she did. "It's... it's not fair!" she squeaked. "You - TOUCHED HIM! MY VALIANT ELF-LORD!" She broke down into full-fledged hysterical sobbing.  
  
Aranel patted her on the back. "It's ok, I'm sure we'll see them again. We lust after the rarer ones, you know." She paused. "It's not as if I grabbed his crotch."  
  
Neither of them noticed that Nodalec had slipped away, probably to follow Boromir. Penn sniffled, great hiccuping sobs racking her body. "Don't say thi- things like that, about muh-muh-muh - MY Glorfindel!"  
  
Aranel sighed. "We need to get to class, besides, I think I can hear Sauron and Morgoth heading this way."  
  
Penn hiccuped again, nodding tearily. "Okay. Just... Aranel? Puh-promise me you won't tell anyone, about touching Glorfindel? Okay?" she pleaded, gazing at Aranel with her best 'for the love of Eru and all the Valar' gaze.  
  
"I promise." Aranel held her hand up Spock-style. "In fact," she proceeded to rub her hand vigorously against Penn's. "You've got whatever residual leftover there may be. Just feel lucky Mablung touched me with the other hand."  
  
Penn shuddered. "Aaaahhh... "  
  
"Eww! Don't orgasm while I'm still here!"  
  
Penn took a moment to compose herself, then grinned wickedly at Aranel, seizing her in a tight hug. "Ew! I'd never do that! But… now I know I've made a true friend, if you're willing to share your Glorfindel residue with me!"  
  
The two headed out of the scorched room, glowing in a manner only outdone by urple. "Yup, the beginning of a very good friendship!" Aranel exclaimed. "Long live SNAOL!!!"  
  
Their laughter echoed down the halls. 


	2. Madness ensues

Author's note: This chapter was written by Aranel, Amber, Shada, Mytsie and Pennhothwen. Madness is assured.  
  
Disclaimer: OFUM belongs to the Mighty Miss Cam. Arda and the rest of the Lord of the Rings universe belongs to the Mighty Sir Tolkien.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Aranel walked out of the building in huff. Classes sure as hell didn't get any easier here. She dropped down underneath a tree (after checking for ents of course) and waited for the others to show up.  
  
Shada joined her, flopping onto the ground tiredly. "Valar save us, this last semester is tough," she sighed, running a hand through her messy hair.  
  
Amber walked up, grinning evilly. She let out a quick laugh as she plopped down next to the others.  
  
Penn ambled over, clutching her stack of books. "Hey, Aranel. What's new? Seen Mad-lung lately?" She grinned. "Oh hey Shada, nice to see you. Amber, yo!"  
  
"Y'all are never going to let me live that down are you?" Aranel said with a grin as she moved over for Penn.  
  
"Ma-Who?" Amber said, mostly just looking confused.  
  
"Pfft! No," Penn smirked. "I only wish Nodalec were here."  
  
"I woulda came to the first meeting, but apparently, after you give a mini a Big Mac, they never forget it, and maul you every time they see you, hoping for another," Amber groaned.  
  
"O-ha-yo!" A girl with long drab brown hair strolled up to the group and blinked. " You ARE the SNAOL group right? I missed the first meeting," she said as she smiled eerily.  
  
"Ranger hottie." Aranel supplied to Amber. "Yeah, that's us."  
  
"Well, welcome, then! I did too, being bogged down in studies," Shada replied.  
  
"My name's Mytsie!" Mytsie smiled, and sat down exactly where she had been standing before, and set her books and papers down.  
  
"A lotta people missed the first meeting. I think the minis are starting to get seriously attached to that whole 'attacking innocent students' bit. People wising up and not doing stuff as often, is my guess," Amber said, grabbing a bag of cookies out of the messenger bag she dragged around everywhere.  
  
Shada smiled wearily. "I can't imagine how many students nearly died of fear in the first week. Lots of students seem to want to join."  
  
"Seemed to, are the operative words in that sentence," Aranel said with laugh.  
  
"I think we all need a break. Unfortunately, *safe* field trips don't seem to be in the curriculum," Shada said.  
  
"Well it wouldn't be so bad... if they didn't send out the fangirls..." Mytsie said.  
  
Amber shuddered. "Fangirls. Don't even get me started on those things. They're way scary. "Ooh, Legolas, you're so hott!" Bleah."  
  
"Exactly," sighed Penn.  
  
"Indeed... Violent too..." Mytsie sighed.  
  
"They have no idea what the words 'conspicuous' and 'devious' even mean!" exclaimed Shada.  
  
"Is anybody here a Legoluster?" Aranel asked, looking at the newer girls.  
  
Shada blushed. "That would be me," she said softly. "Actually, the population seems to be slowly dying down."  
  
"Well... he IS eye candy... But I'm not up for the getting-run-over part of lusting after him..." Mytsie smiled, and shrugged.  
  
Amber raised her hand warily. "Too many hormones, I think. I lust after half the friggin population of Middle Earth, I sometimes think."  
  
"He's not built enough for me." Aranel grimaced. "My roommate nearly killed me when I told her that."  
  
"Can't really blame you... half of the population is well... yummy..." Mytsie smiled rather suggestively and snickered.  
  
"Middle-earth...you can't find a fault with 99% of the male population..." Shada said, grinning.  
  
Penn just sighed again, a dreamy look in her eyes. "Glorfindel... my valiant elf Lord... aahhhh..."  
  
"Let me guess... Glorfindel luster?" Mytsie motioned to Penn.  
  
Amber grinned at her own thought process. "Then again, take away the whole I'm-so-hot angle, and you've got a severely hot inner somebody in that elf. All strong and everything...." Her thoughts seemed to have trailed off, a far off look in her eyes.  
  
Shada rolled her eyes but secretly agreed, for that was one of her favorite Elf-Lords as well.  
  
"...Yare yare..." Mytsie sighed, and tried to ignore thoughts of where Amber's train of thought was going.  
  
Amber stared vacant-eyed for quite a bit of time. "And the long hair don't hurt one single bit."  
  
"Oh! The valiant Elf Lord reminded me!" Aranel jumped up and dove for her pack. "I brought us some extra towels." She tossed one to Penn.  
  
"A towel! Drat... I knew I forgot something!" Mytsie snapped her fingers, and sighed dejectedly.  
  
"Ooh! Thanks," Penn squealed. "I, uh, lost mine." The towels were now becoming standard issue at OFUM. They had been passed out in the middle of the semester because the droll had begun to cause mildew in 'frequent- character-sighting' areas.  
  
Amber glared at the towel. "I don't drool. I just think very bad thoughts...." She blushed profusely at that admission.  
  
"Hehe, I brought 15!" Aranel grinned. "Can't ever have enough."  
  
"Agreed," Penn averred. "Besides, you *never* know when you're going to need one."  
  
Shada also waved away the towels. "I kicked the habit, luckily, though I dread any recurrences."  
  
"True true..." Mytsie nodded in total agreement, even though she tended to simply revert to Japanese when a lust object appeared.  
  
Amber, totally distracted by now, picked up a pebble and threw it in a random direction. She yelled out an apology when she heard another student cursing about flying rocks. "Oops."  
  
"You know, we have a good chance of seeing the lust objects out here." The thought of another Mablung encounter was enough to send Aranel onto her back in the grass.  
  
"Did anyone bring binoculars?" Shada asked. She had left hers in her dorm room.  
  
"I did," Mytsie smiled, and took a set of binoculars out of her bag. "Can never be too prepared!" She smiled mischievously.  
  
Amber just grinned. "I see lust objects everywhere. Even a few of the guy students look pretty droolworthy."  
  
Shada laughed evilly, and pulled out of her pack a set of night vision goggles, her backup set.  
  
"Nah," Penn squinted. "With my elvish eyesight, I don't need binoculars..." She trailed off as she caught sight of a lone, far-off figure. "Oh, Aranel?" she grinned. "Guess who *that* is."  
  
Amber looked over at the binoculars. "Tell me if you see Merry. He's my latest obsession."  
  
"WHO?" Aranel screamed.  
  
Penn giggled evilly and pointed. "Mud-lung, is it?"  
  
Shada rolled her eyes, and continued to scan the area for any trace of male Elven presences.  
  
Amber's eyes perked up, and she sat up straight, that 'Let's Cause Mischief' look was written all over her face.  
  
"Mud-lung?" Mytsie queried.  
  
"Ack!" Aranel sat up startled. "Wherewherewhere?"  
  
"Wasn't he that guy who hung out with... Damrod?" Mytsie asked, looking rather dumbfounded.  
  
"Right over there, silly," Penn laughed. "I think he's coming over here."  
  
"Mud-Lung?" Amber said, giggling slightly. "Sounds like a jungle disease. Get it from a teetsie fly or something."  
  
"No it doesn't! As if Damrod is any better," Aranel said with a glare.  
  
"The name might be odd, but he is definitely eye-candy!" Shada exclaimed, sitting up straight.  
  
"Eye candy!" Mytsie sat up, and looked around.  
  
Amber grinned, but then stuck out her tongue. "Facial hair. Bleah."  
  
Shada ran a hand through her long hair and struggled to remain cool, using Jedi meditation techniques.  
  
"Okay, okay, settle down, girls. We don't want to look like a pack of crazy fools in front of Middling, or whatever," Penn admonished.  
  
"He doesn't have facial hair! He's just a little... scruffy!" Aranel exclaimed.  
  
Amber looked up. "Crazy? I swear I didn't do it. Honest...."  
  
"...But we are a pack of crazy fools..." Mytsie continued to look for more eye candy.  
  
Amber just sighed. "Gimme a clean-shaven-looking hobbit or elf any day. Ooh, long hair, very drool worthy. Very."  
  
"Is he still headed this way, Penn?" Aranel asked tugging on Penn's arm enthusiastically.  
  
"Oh long hair... indeed," Mytsie nodded in agreement with Amber.  
  
"Just remain calm, Aranel," Shada said, reassuringly. "If you swoon you won't get the chance to see him close-up."  
  
"Hmmm..." Penn considered. "Nah, looks like he's going over to talk to that short person. Who is that, anyway? Looks like Rosie."  
  
Amber let out an evil laugh, then jumped up and started waving. "Hey! Mablung dude? C'mon over here. Your fan is dying of dehydration just looking at yas!"  
  
"I've seen him up close." Aranel sighed. "He has the most lovely scar on his forehead."  
  
Mablung actually glanced in their direction, and gave them an odd glance. They looked rather familiar, some of them...  
  
"She's right here!" Mytsie realized what Amber was trying, and pointed at Aranel.  
  
Amber sits back down, still grinning evilly. " I still say the Sisterhood of Evil missed out big by not inviting me."  
  
Aranel grabbed Amber's leg and yanked her back down. "Shut up!"  
  
Penn glared at Amber. "You know... we're a sisterhood, too! Don't go ratting on your sisters!"  
  
Amber yelped. "Watch the pants. It's bad enough that I had to rehem all my stuff cuz I'm part hobbit and shorter, but now you're trying to rip a whole new fun thing to sew up. Bleah!"  
  
Aranel just snickered at her. "Oops."  
  
Amber glanced over at Penn. "I was just saying, is all," she muttered, coming off sounding a lot like Sam, for some reason. Penn didn't answer; she was far too busy scanning the crowd for a certain valiant blond elf Lord.  
  
"Hey, is that Frodo?" Aranel said suddenly, pointing in the direction of the main building.  
  
Amber let out a sigh of boredom, and started climbing up the tree, trying to find a branch to sit on.  
  
"Frodo. who cares?" Penn muttered, waving her hand dismissively.  
  
"Is it?" Mytsie turned quickly, to check. "I need to see him again!"  
  
Shada stared intently into the distance with a sinister smile. "You shall come to me now," she intoned. Nothing happened, of course. "Damn! Those Jedi mind tricks never work!" she exclaimed, annoyed.  
  
"Ooh, hobbity goodness. Get him over here," Amber replied from half way up the tree.  
  
"As if he'd come," Aranel scoffed.  
  
"Try the hand trick," Amber called from a good sturdy branch two thirds of the way up.  
  
Mytsie shuffled through her bag and pulled out a thick yellow book. "I just can't get the wrinkles on his shirt right..." She looked around for Frodo rather frantically.  
  
"As if any of them would come." Shada pouted. "That didn't work, either."  
  
"Mablung, Glorfindel, and Boromir talked to us today," Aranel pointed out.  
  
Penn was starting to look catatonic.  
  
"And I missed it...drat..." Mytsie sighed and dropped her sketchbook on her bag, pouting.  
  
"Wish I could draw," Amber said wistfully, drooping down near the others, hanging upside down by her knees.  
  
"I wish drawing were a course," Shada said. "An easy A!"  
  
Amber grimaced. "I'd get a D-, kinda like I got in Art 1 back home."  
  
"You draw? I'd love to see some of it!" Mytsie perked up and resisted the urge to squeal something in Japanese.  
  
"Mablung spoke to us..." By now Aranel had slipped into a dream like state.  
  
Penn's voice sounded like it was coming from inside a long tunnel. "Valiant... elf Lord..."  
  
Amber grinned evilly. "I think I scare the characters."  
  
Shada ignored the unconscious Aranel and the others. "Yes...I just finished a sketch during Elrond's lecture.  
  
"Elrond's class... makeshift Art 101," Mytsie snickered and smiled mischievously as always.  
  
Still hanging upside down, Amber asked "Ooh, can I see?"  
  
Aranel shook herself and tapped on Penn's shoulder. "Are you ok?" Penn just stared, one eye watering.  
  
"Elrond's class. Wise crack making 101," Amber said, laughing.  
  
Shada brought out her sketchpad and flipped through it mischievously. "I really liked that one of Ani..."  
  
Aranel poked her again. "Penn? Are you alive?"  
  
Suddenly Penn leapt up. "Valar preserve us!" she yelped. "I forgot, I have a faculty appointment with Elrond!" She grabbed her huge stack of books and beat a hasty retreat. "See you guys later!" she yelled over her shoulder. "Thanks for the new towel, Aranel!"  
  
Mytsie had leaned over to look over at the sketchbook but almost fell backward when Penn started.  
  
Shada jumped nimbly up, despite the nagging ache in her back from carrying a huge number of books.  
  
Amber grinned knowingly. "He catch you doing something? Cuz I swear, you think he would have reacted a little less extreme about those spit balls," she yelled to the escaping Penn.  
  
"No... no spit balls..." Penn's voice carried amazingly well, as she was already almost at the faculty building. She disappeared inside.  
  
"You're welcome," Aranel called.  
  
"Maybe it was the whoopie cushion..." Mytsie sighed.  
  
"Bye, everyone!" Shada called, laughing at Amber's comment. "I believe this concludes the second meeting of SNAOL!"  
  
Amber waved with her fingers, still hanging upside down. "Toodles."  
  
"It was good while it lasted." Aranel said. "I'm off to find Mablung. Bye guys."  
  
Amber grabbed her head. "Ooh, blood rushing to my head. All dizzy. Neato." Then she fell out of the tree. "Ow." She wandered off to find an ice pack.  
  
Shada hurried off to another section of OFUM...  
  
"Ah well. I have to go stake out the main hall for Sauron... must get the helm right!" Mytsie stood and gathered her things to head off. And thus ended the second impromptu meeting of the Sisterhood of Not-As-Obvious Lusters. 


	3. A beautiful day in the neighbourhood

Author's Note: This chapter was written by Mytsie, Nodalec, Thalia, and me, Pennhothwen. Aranel gets a mention. :) Happy-ness! Dear co-authoresses, email me with your notes, if you have any!  
  
Disclaimer: As always, OFUM belongs to the Fabulous Miss Cam, and LOTR belongs to the Fabulous J.R.R. Tolkien.  
  
+~+~+~+~+  
  
Penn daydreamed as she walked, taking in the beauty of the weather. The sun was shining, birds were singing, students were happily strolling the university commons, and lust-object sightings were up. All in all, it was a perfect day.  
  
"PENN!" Nodalec called out, running up beside the brunette. Nodalec gasped for breath. "I'm so sorry that I left early last meeting. "  
  
"Ah, sure!" Penn smiled at Nodalec. "I understand... those lust objects can be a pretty strong draw. What happened, anyway? You go chasing after Boromir?"  
  
"Yeah, well, I started following Boromir, but then his minis showed up... I don't know where they were earlier. And I also remembered we were suppose to be the 'not as obvious lusters' and stalking is rather obvious..." Nodalec trailed off, then asked uncertaintly, "You won't kick me out of SNAOL though, will you?"  
  
"Ohayo!" A slightly charred Mytsie walked up beside them, and smiled. "What's this I caught about stalking?"  
  
"Hi Mystie," Nodalec said, a bit preoccupied with the fact that she was almost an obvious luster. "I was stalking Boromir."  
  
"We can get kicked out for stalking?" Mytsie blinked and looked a tad worried.  
  
"But I got chased into a rosebush, anyways..." Nodalec explained.  
  
"Of course not! I would never kick anyone out of SNAOL, and I don't think anyone else would, either. We need all the members we can get, don't we?" Penn replied. "Oh, hey, Mytsie. Nothing much... Nodalec just got a bit carried away... probably literally, knowing Boromir's minis."  
  
"Ah, into the rose bush, which by any other name would prick as well." Mytsie snickered and rolled her eyes.  
  
Penn sighed. It truly was a glorious day. "Wow. 'Tis days like these I wish we were allowed to go into Minas Tirith." She kicked a clod of dirt, muttering, "Some people... sheesh."  
  
"Yeah..." Mytsie sighed, and nodded in agreement with Penn.  
  
Nodalec grimaced and glanced at the sky. "It's a nice day, all right, I just wish I hadn't decided to help the Elrond Lusters with that extra credit project they're working on for him. I gotta go, see you guys later!" she finished, waving cheerfully as she wandered off.  
  
"Ok, have lots of fun," Penn smirked.  
  
"Ja." Mytsie waved cheerfully.  
  
Skipping over to a nearby tree, Penn sat down, tossing her books to the side. Then she patted the ground next to her invitingly, "Come on, Mytsie, have a seat. You never told me who your L.O. was."  
  
Mytsie smiled, skipping over to the tree, dropping her bag and flopping down next to it. "Why, I didn't, did I?"  
  
"Nope," Penn grinned. "Spill it!"  
  
"Well, honestly..." Mytsie paused for dramatic effect, even though she was normally terrible at these sorts of things. "My favorite was always Gandalf!" In the anime universe that would have called for a face-fault, however this was not the anime universe. "Loved his attitude!" Mytsie grinned. "But some of the lesser," cough, "more eye-candy characters," cough, "are good as well." She shrugged.  
  
Penn just laughed. "Gandalf, eh? Well... he's pretty cool, that's for sure. I was totally in love with him when I read 'The Hobbit' back when I was seven." She smiled nostalgically. "Oh, yeah... he was awesome..."  
  
"Yeah..." Thus Mytsie took on a dazed look and reminisced.  
  
The two sat there in silence for a little while, happily lost in thought, until...  
  
A short curly-haired girl came running towards them. She tripped over and fell, causing the huge pile of books she was carrying to fall, one of them hitting Mytsie in the head.  
  
Mytsie immediately snapped out of it as she was nailed on the back of the head with a book (Elrond's textbook, figures...) "I'm up!"  
  
"Oh Valar..." moaned the stranger, caressing her head where a huge bump was forming.  
  
"What? Who?" Mytsie looked around and spotted the moaning stranger who dropped the books. "You okay?"  
  
She immediately began to gather up the various boooks and papers. "I'm fine...I think."  
  
Penn stood up. "And you are...?"  
  
"I'm Thalia. You're SNAOL, right? I've heard a lot about you guys... Gah! Sorry about that. I am such a klutz," Thalia apologized.  
  
"Hello Thalia," Mytsie said, as she handed the book that hit her in the head back to Thalia. "It's okay, I get hit in the head all the time!" Mytsie laughed.  
  
Penn squealed. "Thalia! Yay! It is so great to finally meet you! Well, yes... we're SNAOL... but you mustn't worry about being a klutz. I am, too." Penn danced the happy dance, quickly proving her point as she kicked herself in the shin. "Oww. Yay! Thalia!"  
  
"Well, after that...meeting...I'm not sure if this is the time to ask you this, but...can I join?" asked Thalia, a little hesitantly.  
  
"Of course you can! We need all the members we can get... especially since the minis seem to be regrouping lately." Penn looked at Thalia appraisingly. "And I think you'd make a darn good secretary, if you don't mind my saying so," she added.  
  
"Really?" Thalia blushed and looked down.  
  
"Thalia-chan, Secretary of SNAOL," Mytsie smiled, falling back into her Japanese. "Sounds good to me!"  
  
"You seem... organized. At least, more organized than me. I mean, look at my books," Penn gestured at the pile of clutter that littered the ground where she and Mytsie had been sitting.  
  
"Thanks! I think I am going to enjoy this..." Thalia said, grinning. "It took me a while to get up the courage to ask, but..."  
  
"Don't worry, we don't bite... hard... normally..." Mytsie trailed off.  
  
Penn grinned wickedly. "So... come join us!" she invited. "Mytsie and I were just talking about our L.O.'s." She sat down again, her back to the tree. "Who's yours?"  
  
"Really? Well, I'm obsessed with Aragorn. I- well, he's so... HOT!" said Thalia.  
  
Penn nodded understandingly. "You should talk to Aranel. Now *there's* a girl who knows her Rangers. She's after Mablung, poor fellow."  
  
"I thought his name was Mud-lung..." Mytsie blinked.  
  
"Nah, I just tease her about that. It's Mablung," Penn smiled again. "Poor Aranel, we're so mean to her."  
  
"But it's so easy being mean to her!" Nodalec said, coming up behind the trio.  
  
Penn looked startled. "Oh, hi, Nodalec."  
  
"Oh, okay." Mytsie shrugged and laughed. "Mean? Naw, I think we just screw with her a little, as friends should of course."  
  
"Ohmigod! Mablung? I saw him before with... Damnhot, or something? Rangers are so yummy! And Mablung is great! I love scruffy men!" Thalia said, grinning. She seemed a lot happier than she had before she joined SNAOL.  
  
"Hello!" Mytsie smiled, and waved her hand a little, out of force of habit.  
  
"Nodalec? I think I've seen you before. We have Elrond together, right?" Thalia said. She grinned. "You're in SNAOL too?"  
  
"Scruffy men?" Nodalec raised an eyebrow, then turned to Penn. "Turns out the Elrond Lusters didn't need me, thank goodness."  
  
Penn looked relieved. "Good... I was worried about you."  
  
"Indeed," Mytsie nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I'm Nodalec. Yeah, I think we do. Don't know your name though. And yes, I'm in SNAOL." Nodalec replied in one breath.  
  
Thalia looked confused. "What? Who needed you...? Never mind. Oh yeah. I'm Thalia. I just joined."  
  
"You never know what those Elrond Lusters are up to," Penn mused. "Sometimes I think they're more evil than Evil."  
  
"Evil is as... err. Elrond does?" Mytsie tried to finish the cliche` originally but failed.  
  
"Definitely. Elrond...he has a nice ass, but he's definitley got a sadistic streak," Thalia said. Then she leaned forward confidentially. "Once, I was trying to knock out Arwen, and I accidentally knocked out Celebrian and ended up in Elrond's bed! This was at the time oif the sick wave...I had a fever of 103 at the time." She grimaced. "Damn, that was painful..."  
  
"Ouch..." Mytsie cringed, and imagined what terrible punishment could have come from that, knowing Elrond.  
  
Penn giggled and fell over, hitting her head on a sharp book-corner. "Ow... well, anyway. So we have a Gandalf Girl, a Mablung Molester, an Aragorn Admirer, and a Boromir Believer. And then there's me." She raised her hand and bowed her head. "Glorfindel Girl, all the way."  
  
Nodalec snickered. "Mablung Molester? Wait until Aranel hears that..." Penn just kept giggling.  
  
"That ought to be interesting," Mytsie snickered and made a mental note to show up for that meeting.  
  
"Glorfindel Gal. You already have a Lust Object Girl."  
  
"Oh, fine." Penn sat up again. "I'll think of something more... 'original'... later."  
  
Thalia giggled. "I don't know if 'lusting' and 'admiring' are the same. But I 'admire' Aragorn's big, shiny sword...his manly ruggedness, and his little beard..."  
  
Penn squealed. "His little beard! Aahhh! Stop it, you're killing me!"  
  
"Yeah, just like I 'admire' Gandalf." Mytsie laughed.  
  
Penn handed her a towel. "I think you'll need this," she chuckled, indicating the ever-spreading puddle of drool at Thalia's feet. "Good luck."  
  
"Speaking of towels," Nodalec pointed at Penn's towel, "do you have mine? I remember I gave it to either Aranel or you."  
  
"Um... no," Penn said slowly. "I think we may have left it in the meeting room. But don't worry, Aranel got some new ones! She was handing them out yesterday. Here, I took an extra one, just in case," she concluded, tossing the spare to Nodalec.  
  
"As long as it's a towel. Not one of those sissy hand towel things. Those are too small. That was proven at out last meeting." Nodalec grinned, remembering when all their Lust Objects had shown up.  
  
"Y'know, towels are one of the most useful things in the world," said Thalia.  
  
Penn sighed and sat back against the tree again. "My valiant elf-Lord..." Mytsie sighed, and rolled her eyes.  
  
"Anyone here read Douglas Adams...? I know it's Off Topic, but..." Thalia looked around hopefully.  
  
"No," Penn replied dreamily. "My valiant..."  
  
"The Hitchikers Guide is always right," Nodalec stated as she put the towel Penn had just given her into her backpack. "My valiant, dreamy elf-lord!" she mimicked, rolling her eyes skyward.  
  
"My manly, rugged Ranger..." Thalia sighed, not to be outdone.  
  
"My lunch..." Mytsie rolled her eyes and made a gagging motion. The whole group burst into giggles, even the slightly indignant Penn.  
  
"Yeah, well..." Penn made a face. "He's a lot more valiant than most people realize!"  
  
Thalia grinned at Penn. "I dunno, Elves are just too perfect for me. I can't go for a guy prettier than me, you know?"  
  
"I cede the point." Penn raised her hands as if to ward off a blow. "Don't hit me, though... I've always had a weak spot for pretty boys."  
  
"Yeah..." Mytsie sighed. "I have a thing for pretty boys...especially ones with purple hair..." Mytsie drifted off into her own train of thought.  
  
Thalia grinned. "Ok, whatever." Then something caught her attention. "Oh Eru, I think that's Aragorn!" she exclaimed, and sprinted off across campus.  
  
"So now your mantra's going to be, "Oh my valiant, pretty boy elf-lord'?" Nodalec asked skeptically.  
  
"Shut up," Penn replied pleasantly.  
  
"...mmm purple..." Mytsie was totally oblivious to the world around her.  
  
Nodalec watched Thalia leave. "Make me," she told Penn. "And that doesn't look like Aragorn..." She hit Mytsie over the head lightly. "Yo. Come back to the real world."  
  
"Pi R squared!" Mytsie almost fell back as she snapped out of it.  
  
Penn peered at the figure Thalia was running toward. "Sure doesn't look like Aragorn to me, either. But if it makes Thalia happy..." She stared. "Oh no - not only is that not Aragorn, I think it's..." She gulped. "Elrond."  
  
"...errr..." Mytsie blinked and laughed. "Whoops..."  
  
"How could you mistake Elrond for Aragorn?" Penn wailed.  
  
"Oh this should be good..." Mytsie leaned forward and smirked.  
  
"I can't watch!" Penn covered her eyes and cringed.  
  
"I can!" Mytsie cheered and stared attentively.  
  
"Maybe she's been out in the sun too long," suggested Nodalec.  
  
Nodalec watched as well. "Hmm... on the bright side, whoever it is, Thalia got to touch them..."  
  
There was an explosion somewhere off on the campus, not that that in itself was unusual, but this time it wasn't followed by the random yelling that consisted of 'I'm more evil!' 'No I am!' but of several students running from the direction of the main hall, and only one of the dark lords yelling something. It was hard to make out what it was, or who was yelling it (they sounded very similar when they got mad, after all) but one could guess. Mytsie quickly grabbed her things and jumped up. "Errr... I guess Sauron didn't like that stylized picture I drew of him... GOTTA GO!" With that, she fled like, well... like the Dark Lord was on her tail.  
  
Thalia, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen. It could only be assumed that Elrond's - or whoever's - mini-bodyguards had done something evil to her. Penn sighed. "Well, I hope Mytsie doesn't get killed, or anything. I kind of liked her. Thalia, too." She yawned and turned to Nodalec. "So... seen Boromir lately?"  
  
Nodalec nodded, and then grinned. "Yes, and he smiled at me! I think he might know who I am now!" She squealed in delight. "You know, it seems that whenever the SNAOL meets, half of us always end up running from the meeting either to chase or to be chased," she commented. "So much for the 'not as obvious'..."  
  
"Yep," Penn agreed, a little too cheerfully. "So much for that. And ooh, goody for you! Boromir's really. a neat guy." Penn seemed genuinely happy for her friend. "Oh... hey!" She sat up excitedly. "I thought of something original! How's this: The Glorfindel Glorifiers! Wheehee!" Raising her hand, she added, "Founding member, right here!"  
  
Nodalec laughed, suddenly in a very happy mood. "Original," she told Penn.  
  
"Yay," Penn cheered. "By Eru, I'm starved. Care to join me for dinner? I think it's about that time." She stood up, brushing bits of grass off her skirt. Nodalec stood up as well. "Sounds wonderful. I'm starved. All this talk of yummy men..."  
  
Penn smirked. "Off we go, then. And we can talk of yummy men on the way, as well." She gathered her books and started off toward the dining hall. "Let's hurry, before all the hobbits get there."  
  
"Sounds like a good plan to me!" Nodalec exclaimed. She fell in step beside Penn and the two girls made their way to the dining hall to the sound of a good-natured yummy-men vs. pretty-elves debate. What could be more natural? 


	4. Drunken revelries end in tragedy, kind o...

Author's note: Chapter 4! Ta da! It's been a while, eh? Well, this chapter was written by Bast and Penn (okay okay. GreyLadyBast and Pennhothwen) and we were joined halfway in by the fabulous Aranel. The rest of you, where were you?!?! We waited forever!!!  
  
Disclaimer: OFUM's not ours. LOTR's not ours. All I own is the fire-ant colony in my pants pocket, and really, who can truly own an ant? So you can see how very exceedingly poor I am, can't you? Don't sue me.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
GreyLadyBast stormed into the empty classroom set aside for SNAOL meetings. "Ok, I'm finally here!" she exclaimed with excessive drama. That is, until she noticed she was talking to empty air. "Where the hell is everyone?? Her Ladyship is not gonna be happy I skipped out on Her for this meeting, and for nothing!!"  
  
"Don't fume, dearest, it makes you look oliphauntish." Penn stepped into the room. "I could hear you down the hall," she added.  
  
"Oliphauntish?!?!? Oliphaunts don't have fur!" GreyLadyBast exclaimed. "Oh, by the way, hi Penn."  
  
Penn sighed, stretching lazily. "Hello, LadyBast. What a crappy day I've been enduring. I just heard Thalia won't be with us for a while, she's had quite a run-in with Morgoth. She'll be in the Houses of Healing for at least a month. I wonder what she did to upset him. Probably nothing. you know how those Dark Lords are sometimes. In any case..." Penn yawned again. "I suppose that means you'll be acting as Secretary in the interim, eh?"  
  
Bast shuddered, her fur rippling. "Morgoth? Poor kid. Still, she'll be ok. Sauron will pester Elrond until he heals her, just to piss of Morgoth."  
  
"Indeed," Penn nodded.  
  
Bast sat upright. "Acting secretary? You mean I gotta work now? Dammit, if I wanted to actually work I wouldn't be Alt. Off." She tried to suppress the snicker but couldn't quite manage it. Penn snickered too, quite audibly, and to Bast's delight. "At last! Somebody who finds that funny. Most of the other SNAOL kids don't get it. Too innocent, I suppose," she sighed, taking a long swig of her smuggled-in beer. Bast was forever in trouble for smuggling real-world items into OFUM. It was how her apprenticeship with Shelob began: as punishment. "Want a beer?"  
  
Penn rolled her eyes. "They *are* a bit dewy, aren't they?" she scoffed, accepting the proffered beverage. "Thanks." She took a long sip. "Ah, well. They're good kids. But we must try and remember that they're only kids, Bast. You and I... we're Gutter Royalty. Must try not to corrupt the young'uns, mustn't we?"  
  
"Oh yeah. I worked long and hard earning my title 'Lady Corruption'." Bast sputtered, losing half her mouthful. "NOT corrupt them?? How am I supposed to accomplish that? I corrupt everyone. It's my calling! Her Ladyship called me the best corruption influence She's seen in Ages. Literally. That spider---she knows EVERYTHING about corruption!"  
  
"All right, all right." Penn spoke soothingly. "I won't stop you, if you really feel the need to corrupt them." Suddenly a thought came to her, and she glanced around in irritation. "Speaking of 'them', where the hell are they?"  
  
Bast glanced around unconcerned. "I dunno. The should be here. Shall we kill them?" She looked thoughtful. "Of course, we'll have to hunt them down first."  
  
"Sure, whatever," Penn agreed easily. "When they get here, we shall kill them. In the meantime, let's just enjoy our beer, yes?"  
  
Bast suddenly nudged Penn, gesturing with her beer bottle toward the throng of students. "Hey look! There's Mad-lung. Should we tease him, since Aranel isn't around to stop us?"  
  
Penn considered. "Maybe. But I'm sure she'd find out, somehow." She trailed off, thinking. "Not that we'd have to be afraid of Aranel. She's a nice girl."  
  
"They're ALL nice girls, that's the problem. I shoulda joined the Sisterhood of Evil," Bast sighed. She was bored, restless and on her 3rd beer - not a good combination. As Bast was staring at Mablung, debating how best to tease him about his fangirl, she spotted said fangirl trailing him about 50 paces behind. "Oi! Aranel!! Over here!" she called, waving the hand holding the beer and grinning.  
  
Aranel unsuccessfully tried to look nonchalant, but failed miserably. "Hi guys," she waved in what she thought was their general direction. Her eyes seemed glued to the Ranger that was Mablung.  
  
Penn guffawed (the beer was having its customary effect on her). "Hey Aranel! Come on over! Room for one more," she crowed, patting the chair beside her.  
  
Bast glanced disdainfully at Penn. "Lightweight," she muttered, finishing her third beer and opening a fourth.  
  
"No, no, I'm not a lightweight," Penn insisted. "This is my third. You weren't paying attention." She held up a nearly-empty bottle, and used it to point to the other two empties as proof.  
  
"Yeah yeah yeah. I hope Glorfindel doesn't see you hammered, is all," Bast smirked. She just adored teasing the other SNAOL girls about their various lust objects.  
  
"Um, ok." Aranel walked over and took the beer. "I can't drink at all. Alcohol has the worst effect on me." She took a swig anyway. "What are yall up to anyway? And who's here? All I can see is Mablung."  
  
Bast turned toward Aranel. "That's good. Just say no, so there's more for me." Bast sighed. "I'm bored. Let's cause some trouble. Or something."  
  
Aranel grinned and took a sip of beer. "Want me to tackle Mablung? That'll cause a stir."  
  
Penn stood up and leered at the others. "Yeah. Trouble, or... something." She hiccuped. "Let's go!"  
  
"Oh yeah! Tackle Mablung! I always like seeing the mini-balrogs play. Besides, I might get some of their rations. They get better raw meat than the students." Sometimes Bast took the whole "former cat-headed Egyptian goddess" thing too far.  
  
At the mention of the minis, Aranel suddenly decided it wasn't such a good idea. "Ok... I'll do something anyway." With that she stood up, straightend her shirt, grabbed Penn and started towards the unexpecting Ranger.  
  
Penn looked thoughtful (as much as one can look thoughtful while being dragged by the shirt). "Uh... guys? Aren't we supposed to be 'Not-As- Obvious'?"  
  
"Oh, right! I forgot," Bast muttered sheepishly, "and what's worse, he's not even my Lust Object."  
  
"We're drunk, remember," Aranel said with a grin. "Besides I shared Glory residue with you... You should be there to take care of my body after I'm dead."  
  
Bast drew herself up indignantly, exclaiming, "I'm not drunk!" Unfortunately the effect was somewhat spoiled when she stumbled into Penn for no reason. "Nobody shares residue with me..." she muttered sourly, pushing herself off of poor Penn.  
  
"You're not drunk, Aranel," Penn objected as she helped Bast stand on her own. "You only had one sip!"  
  
"But I can say I was drunk... And you two definitely are." When Ara was within a close range of him she let go of Penn and cleared her throat. "Um, excuse me Mablung... um sir. Um... I was just here and uhhhh." She trailed off as he turned and looked at her.  
  
"M no' drunk!" Bast protested again, tossing away her empty and cracking a 5th beer as she turned toward Mablung. She swayed and leered. "Ara likes you!" Then she shamelessly looked the ranger up and down. "Can' see why...."  
  
Aranel shoved her bottle into Bast's free hand. "Drink up darlin', you need to pass out soon."  
  
"How did we get outside?" Penn peered at the sky in confusion.  
  
"I don' pass out. Pass out on Her Ladyship and She wraps you up in sticky goo. Any idea how long sticky goo takes to get out of fur??" Bast took the bottle, however, and began two-fisted drinking.  
  
"I like your fur," Penn mumbled dreamily as she began to pet Bast. Bast started purring as Penn petted her. She glanced around drunkenly, and saw the last person she wanted to see walking their way.  
  
Elrond.  
  
Mablung, meanwhile, took one look at the two girls and raised an eyebrow. He turned to Aranel, who trying not to swoon. "How did they get beer?"  
  
"S'mine, and you can' have any. SNAOL only - " Bast answered the Ranger. Imminent death was forgotten in the face of possible beer-confiscation.  
  
Aranel glanced at Bast and stepped in front of Mablung. "He doesn't want any. Keep your claws away from him."  
  
The catgirl chugged down her 5th beer, opened a 6th and was about to drain that when a hand grasped her wrist in an iron grip. "SNAOL only, eh?" Lord Elrond asked softly.  
  
"Eep!" Aranel suddenly fogot about protecting Mablung and jumped behind him to peer over his shoulder. "Don't let him get me!" Mablung laughed softly and waited to see what the Elf Lord would do.  
  
"Eep." Bast gulped, staring up at Elrond's furious face. She did the only thing she could think of in her drunken state. She offered Elrond her beer.  
  
Aranel, who was clutching Mablung by the shoulders as she watched Lord Elrond and Bast, couldn't resisit giggling as Bast offerd the elf her beer. "Do you really think that will work? Elves have that wine that knocks you on your butt."  
  
"Yep they do," Penn chimed in, managing to appear un-drunk.  
  
Elrond grabbed the beer, glancing at Aranel. "You are quite right. And YOU," he turned his glare on Bast, "you are coming with me to see Miss Cam. And then you will explain to Her Ladyship what you have done."  
  
Bast gasped, but trailed along obediently after Elrond. This meeting of SNAOL had not gone quite as well as she had hoped.  
  
Penn wisely kept silent as Bast was dragged off by the fuming Elf Lord, then began muttering absentmindedly to herself. "Wonder where Glorfindell is right now? I could use a little mini-snuggling." She watched Aranel leading Mablung away and smiled. "Poor Aranel," she sighed. "Doesn't she know we're not ever allowed to have our L.O.'s? I dare not think of what Miss Cam will do to her when she finds out about this."  
  
Penn sighed again as she wandered back inside to get her books. As she picked them up, she surveyed the seemingly empty room, then grinned. "Well, Glorfindell," she announced, "I'm going to take a nap. Are you coming along?"  
  
The only reply was a gleeful hiss. Penn smirked. "Excellent." 


	5. Enter the Stranger in Black!

Author's note: Chapter 5! Yay! Now this one's a special chapter. Within lies the tale of the initiation of a very special person into our Sisterhood… someone who's not even a student at OFUM. So if you can't guess, then just read it. =^) Writing credits at the bottom, so as not to give away our Stranger in Black.

Disclaimer: See bottom.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The night air was still and warm as Penn stepped out of the dormitory door. She was on her way to meet someone: not a Lust Object, not a Mini-Cuddly-Friend, but someone she'd wanted to meet for a long time. She walked noiselessly to the appointed meeting-place: the large willow that graced the green of the student commons. After making sure it was indeed the willow, and not a sleeping Ent, she sat down beneath it to wait.

The serenity was ruined, and her careful stealth rendered useless.

"Ow! Sonnofa!" A portal had appeared, hovering dramatically above the ground. Someone had tripped through it, and landed painfully on their knees.

Penn squinted, trying to adjust her eyes to the odd light. Then she grinned. "Hey," she stage-whispered, "over here."

The figure got to their feet, wincing, and limped over. "I'd just like (owshit) to say... It's...(ow) an honor. Really. Ow." The stranger reached out a hand to the student.

"No, no... the honor is mine, of course. Please, have a seat," Penn invited, accepting the proffered hand.

"Thank you, and I mean that." The stranger pumped her hand once, and then sat down hard on a bench. "It was quite a surprise, getting the offer. I'm not even a student."

"You're quite welcome," Penn grinned. "Actually, there are those among the student body who found you... shall we say, a bit intimidating? the first time you showed up on campus. But I've always admired your work. And so... well, of course we'd love to have you as a member. Elrond Extremist, aren't you?"

"Absolutely. I hear you're lacking one of them... though you've been blessed with a Shelob admirer?" The visitor had been on campus once, and only once. She and her partner had sparked an unlikely chain of events that had involved Elrond in drag (and later, with a gun), Boromir in a tuxedo, and a student going missing just at the same time as the Watcher in the Sauna started looking fatter.

"Shelob devotee... indeed." Penn nodded gravely. "GreyLadyBast. Good friend of mine. She gets into a spot of trouble every now and then, but you couldn't ask for a better friend." 

"I hope you'll understand if I can't attend meetings all that regularly? It's pretty much an all-hours job. I'll do my best, though, I will," the black-clad stranger said.

Penn scoffed. "Pfft! More than half our members don't even show up at all. SNAOL's not really the kind of organization that requires much of its members. And oh, I forgot... I'm Penn, by the way, if you didn't realize, or anything," she finished lamely.

"Kinda figured." SNAOL's newest member stuck out a hand again, redundantly. "I'm Jay."

Penn shook Jay's hand again, redundantly, and smirked. "Glad to meet you, Jay. You've no idea how long I've wanted to meet you." She shrugged. "You being a legendary assassin, me being a PPC hopeful, you know. That sort of thing."

"PPC hopeful? I had no idea." Jay leaned down, putting her face to face with Penn. "Seek help. I advise you."

"Um... okay. I will, I promise." Penn swallowed hard. Maybe it was time to change the subject. "So... you like... um..." she trailed off, unable to think of anything but Jay's too-brightly glittering eyeballs.

Jay leaned back suddenly. "I like many things. Most of them are British."

Penn looked relieved. "Cool. Me too." Monosyllabic words were better than no words at all.

"Hopefully you've managed to lust after your own age-group?" Jay ventured. Her tone of voice suggested that hope was minimal.

Penn looked confused, and a bit afraid. "What do you mean?"

The assassin sighed. "I'm... infamous for my attraction to older men. Up to, and including Sir Ian-- yes, I know he's gay. And then there's Acacia's continuing obsession." She shook her head. "A simple Aragorn Admirer or Legoluster would seem almost wholesome."

"Oh," Penn sighed. "Well... since I put down 'elf' on my enrollment form" - she cringed - "I guess you could say I... um... well I dunno, how old *is* Glorfindel?"

"Elves are all right. At least their ACTORS are young. Just keep telling yourself that." Jay smiled. "Incidentally, what does he look like?"

She sighed again, her eyes glazing over a little. "He *looks* young enough. Gorgeous. He's got this long, blond hair... much better than Legolas'... and his eyes - wow. Not to mention Asfaloth." Penn regarded Jay for a moment. "He wasn't in the movie, so I don't get an actor to lust after once I go back to RL."

"Poor dear." Jay smiled slightly. Then, she dug in her pack, and produced her totem. 

A Polaroid.

"Will this help?"

Penn gasped in delight, taking the camera into her hands as if she held a hallowed relic. "Oh, thank you! You'll really let me use it? For a Glorfindel picture?"

"Indeed. In fact, everyone can do one next meeting." Jay beamed.

Penn jumped up, enfolding Jay in an exuberant hug. "You are awesome!"

The assassin blushed hotly, and looked at the ground. Or would have if she hadn't been caught in a strong hug.

Something in her pocket beeped. "I have to get back," she said sadly. "I'll show at the next meeting, I promise!"

And then she was gone.

Penn blinked, looking at the empty bench. Then she shrugged, a grin coming unbidden to her lips. "Okay," she murmured. "Bedtime." And with that, she wandered back to her room, leaving the willow alone again in the still night air.

AN: Yay! See? You knew who it was, didn't you? "This chapter written by Penn, the curiously foolish PPC hopeful, and Jay, the curiously friendly assassin."

=^D

Disclaimer: The PPC belongs to the fearsome Jay and Acacia, OFUM belongs to the mighty Miss Cam, and Arda belongs to the Headmaster himself, John Ronald Reuel Tolkien.


	6. Of The One Cookie, or, Polaroids Are Goo...

Authoressssses' notessssses at bottom! As for the Disclaimer, well... It don't b'long to us'n, it don't. None of it. Much. Except for the Uruk-Hair Styling Salon, a typo-by-Shada, made-into-joke-by-Penn. And added on to by various others, as indicated by their individual commentsssses within the text. Tally-ho! Oh, and. we ain't the type to beg for reviews, but hey. if you like it, just hit that little blue button at the bottom of the screen and type something in the resulting little pop-up box! I promise, nothing bad will happen, and you'll make us all very happy! Ta!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Shada settled down on the green grass. The sun was shining, the birds were singing... which usually signaled that something very bad was going to happen. But until something did happen, the Vice President of SNAOL decided to enjoy the calm, and spend the time off looking for her L.O.  
  
GreyLadyBast almost stalked past SNAOL's new "Secret Hideaway" - a copse of trees ideally placed for L.O. drooling. She was flipping through some papers and muttering things better left unsaid about Lord Elrond.  
  
"Taking his name in vain?" came a voice from the top of the tree. Craning her neck upward, Shada could make out a figure perched high up in the branches of an elm.  
  
"I thought none of these were ents!" Mytsie had been walking around the perimeter of the new 'hideout' and nearly fell over when she heard a voice come out of the tree.  
  
"Jesus! You scared the... nope, can't say that. Anyway, you startled me," the catgirl said, taking the hint to settle down below the speaker. "Besides, YOU try writing a 3000-word essay on "Why Sam Adams Is Not an Acceptable Middle Earth Personage". You'll take that... nope, can't say that either... anyway, you'd take his name in vain too!"  
  
"Who wouldn't?" Aranel said, popping up behind Bast suddenly. "He snitched to Miss Cam about Mablung liking me."  
  
"Can someone help get me down?" the voice interrupted. "Please? The portal's aim was off..."  
  
"Hiiiiidey-hooo!" Penn trilled as she skipped into the clearing. "Hey... I love the new 'secret hideaway' motif." The lithe elf-girl nodded approvingly, then held out her arms. "Here, Jay dear, let me help you."  
  
"Jay?" Mytsie blinked and remembered the incident with Elrond and the green dress.  
  
"She'll drop you," Aranel said with a grin as she backed away.  
  
Bast glanced up. "You can't get down from there? It looks easy to me."  
  
"Bite me, Cat gaaaaaaaaaaah!" The figure fell heavily next to Penn.  
  
Aranel snickered. "I told you."  
  
Bast leapt nimbly aside just before catching a faceful of Jay. Sometimes that whole catgirl thing came in handy. "Wait, don't I know you?" she asked, looking at the fallen Protector closely, for the first time.  
  
"I would have caught you, Jay," Penn pouted. "I'm an elf, for corn's sake, the least I can do is *catch* someone."  
  
"You could use those magical ears to get my Mablung back!" Aranel said, with something akin to a whine in her voice.  
  
"*My* magical ears?" Penn sounded affronted. "My ears are very delicate, thankyouverymuch."  
  
Shada touched her own ears. She had recently snuck into the Forbidden Chambers of Records and changed her Race to Eldar, though she knew it was inevitable that she would face a punishment.  
  
Bast glanced at Aranel. "Would you like some cheese with that?" she asked oh-so-innocently. She didn't draw attention to her ears, letting Penn take the brunt of that joke. The furry jibes were enough for her.  
  
Aranel looked slightly sheepish. "Sorry, I'm just depressed. I was this close..."  
  
"What happened to Mud-lung? Errr... Mablung?" Mytsie asked, staring at Aranel.  
  
"Miss Cam was looking at me in an evil way after she caught me erm *cough* leading him away." Aranel grimaced. "I decided to stay away for a while."  
  
"You had to face Miss Cam? Poor thing. At least that rot... er, Elrond didn't go through with his threat to take me to her for the beer incident. Though I DID have to listen to THREE HOURS of Bombadil's poetry." Bast's fur rippled with the horror of the memory.  
  
"But on the upside, I got to touch his shoulder, hand, arm, and I was close enough to find out what he smells like!" Aranel suddenly turned giddy again.  
  
Bast glared at Aranel. Her Shelob fixation was widely known and teased about, but she'd never gotten close to her true L.O. - Frodo Baggins.  
  
Diane came running across the lawn muttering "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late," before tripping just short of the tree and dropping her sketchpad and pencil. "Sorry," she said as she sat up quickly and began grabbing her stuff. "Didn't want to miss this meeting."  
  
"That's okay," Shada reassured her. "It's hard to catch all the meetings... they're rather random."  
  
Jay muttered something. It sounded like "try staff meetings."  
  
"Yeah, whenever two of us catch up with one another, it's a meeting!" Bast chimed in.  
  
" Wow... there are lots of people here today..." Mytsie blinked and demonstrated her mastery of the completely obvious.  
  
Diane smiled and brushed the grass from her clothes before sitting down. "Thanks, nice to see all of y'all." Then, "A furry!?" she exclaimed, eyeing Bast. Diane opened her sketchpad quickly and began scribbling furiously. "Finally get a pic chance."  
  
Jay was ignoring the discussion, and digging in her pack. "I hope it's not broken... Please, please, any deity in the area, let it not be broken..."  
  
Shada looked on, wondering what Jay had in the pack. Something forbidden to OFUM?  
  
Penn, who was getting a bit of a headache, just nodded, in response nothing in particular. Then she heard Jay's frantic prayer and leapt to the assassin's side. "The camera - tell me it's okay!"  
  
"It's safe!" Jay brandished the Polaroid with great relief.  
  
Camera! Shada's eyebrows shot way up.  
  
"Camera!" Mytsie immediately looked over at Jay and Penn with a mischievous look. "What camera?" Aranel said, hopping over to Jay and Penn. The assassin heaved a sigh. "My Polaroid. I never go ANYWHERE without my Polaroid. I've almost got a full roll... who wants a picture of their Lust Object?"  
  
Mytsie quickly skipped over in her strange little way and tried to get a look at the alleged 'camera'. "I think that would be everyone..." She smiled and looked around at the others.  
  
Shada edged closer: she hadn't seen a camera in months, since every time one was found in a student's possession, it was burned... and subsequently the student, usually. Then, agreeing with Mytsie, she smiled.  
  
"I DO!" Aranel shrieked, quite close to one of Penn's 'magical' ears.  
  
"Me! ME! MEEE!!" Penn shrieked, in a very un-elven way. "I want a picture of Glorfindel!!" Then, "OWW!" as Aranel's exclamation pierced her eardrum.  
  
"Take turns, please. If you don't behave, I'll bring Acy along next time."  
  
Taking Jay at her word, both Penn and Aranel quickly becalmed themselves - Acacia was not the kind of person one would want to irritate, anger, or otherwise disturb.  
  
Diane just looked up from her sketch for a moment and then back down. She already had several drawings. It was enough for her that she did - let the others have their fun.  
  
"Unfortunately, there's almost no way I would ever get a chance to be close enough to take a picture of Legolas," Shada sighed. "You'd need a telescoping lens for that."  
  
"Funny you should mention," Jay said.  
  
"Indeed," Mytsie nodded in agreement. It was the same situation with cosplayers at conventions back home.  
  
"Most Lust Objects are currently in hiding between classes..." Shada continued.  
  
"You like Legolas?" Aranel said, surprised. "I thought that we didn't have any Legolusters."  
  
"Yes, I know," Shada answered. "They're rarer now, but the infamous mobs do still charge him from time to time."  
  
"Hey, can I get more than one LO picture? Since I have more than one LO?" Bast asked.  
  
"Yeah, and possibly one extra for E-bay..." Mytsie trailed off and laughed nervously.  
  
"Hmm...." Shada pondered, wondering how many Elves she could count as L.O.'s.  
  
"I have ONE roll of film. That's twenty-seven pictures. And I want one of Shelob and of Glorfindel, too."  
  
"Oooh!" Penn squealed. "I just want a really good one of Glorfindel, please. And... Jay? I didn't know you liked Glory, too?"  
  
"I just want a picture," Jay replied. "He's FAMOUS. And we didn't get him in the movie... stupid Arwen. And for bob's sake, you can take duplicates!"  
  
"Hey! Wait just one second here! If ANYONE's getting pictures of Her Ladyship, it's ME! *I* muck out Her lair and *I* have to lead fangirls to Her to eat!" Bast bristled indignantly.  
  
"Now that makes me feel really safe,"Aranel said, backing away from Bast. "Maybe we could get them in groups," she continued. "Lust Objects do tend to go with safety in numbers."  
  
"Hurray!" Mytsie cheered and imagined what kind of pictures they'd get.  
  
"If you can, you should take a picture of the new Uruk-Hair Salon," Shada recommended into the midst. "Though it's not Lust Object Material."  
  
"The WHAT?" Jay did a doubletake.  
  
"The 'Uruk-Hair', Evilest Styling Salon east of the Misty Mountains," Penn supplied.  
  
"Makes sense." Mytsie grinned.  
  
"Don't go there. I took Her Ladyship there, to get Her leg-hairs done, and they ruined it! Dyed Her legs urple!"  
  
"And one of Saruman's Happy Nails," Aranel added with a grin.  
  
"Uruk-Hair? Oh yeah! Don't they have that free manicure and such...?" Mytsie asked and looked at the others.  
  
"Yeah, but only if you like urple leg-hair." Bast was not one to let a subject go.  
  
"Did you let Ragna dye her or something?" Aranel asked Bast.  
  
Bast bristled indignantly. She took her duties to Her Ladyship seriously. It was one of the *only* things she took seriously. "I did no such thing! Those twits at Uruk-Hair screwed up! It wasn't my fault! Even Shelob admitted it." Bast grew thoughtful. "Of course, that was after I slipped Her some of my home-grown. From the Real World," she grinned.  
  
"Saruman studied there a long time ago, I heard," Shada mused.  
  
"Dear Lady." Jay shook her head. "Not since the ghostly surfer dude Nazcool have I heard of something so bizarre."  
  
"Why else does he have such wonderful nails?" Shada replied, then shook her head. She probably should not have brought it up. Fortunately, before the discussion could break into an argument, distant rumbling could be heard. Shada peered out of the trees, but she saw no L.O.  
  
"That's nothing!" Morgoth roared, flames wreathing his amorphous body as he faced his arch nemesis Sauron. "I'm so evil I even attracted the wrath of Ilúvatar in past ages! You were nothing but a bug to him - he ignored you completely!"  
  
"Oooh, so maybe you got on the nerves of the Valar a while back," Sauron retorted. "Back in the day, you might have been a big bad villain. But no one knows you anymore. I myself am now renowned by many names, including the fearsome 'Gorthaur the Cruel!'"  
  
"Bloody he-." Jay shook her head. "SHUT UP! We're trying to have a MEETING!" Her instinct for self-preservation was on the fritz.  
  
"Hah, like 'cruel' is such a terrifying name," Morgoth sneered. "Now, 'mighty,' that will strike fear into the hearts of your subordinates! Try that on for size! Oh, wait, you can't! It was I that was once called that! Hah!"  
  
Bast glanced over at the commotion. "Oh god! I REALLY wish somebody'd do something about those two! They have a unique knack for wrecking a girl's buzz." The catgirl had not stopped smuggling in beer and other intoxicants, just because she got caught once. She was simply more careful these days.  
  
"If I had not created the Orcs, you would not even be here! Without my own fell creations, the Orcs, you would have no followers, except for those idiotic Easterlings!" thundered Morgoth. "Not to mention you once were one of my own servants before you fell prey to your own stupidity!"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Sauron, whose eyes could be seen glittering with wrath. "You think that just because you managed to sneak away the Silmarils for a while, you rule the place? And then of course some insignificant Elf put you to sleep easily, snoring cavernously!"  
  
Mytsie refrained from yelling anything, hoping silently that her new set of 'dark-lord of the fourth age' fashion sketches hadn't been found.  
  
"I am the evilest, most powerful Dark Lord of all! I do NOT snore!" Morgoth scowled viciously.  
  
Aranel peered around the tree she was hiding behind. "I still think Sauron's sexy."  
  
"Do too!"  
  
"Oh man..." Penn sighed. "There goes the meeting. Those two..."  
  
"Do not!"  
  
Jay flashed a picture of them both. "Two idiots in one picture! Hurrah!"  
  
"Do TOO!"  
  
Bast snorted. "Honestly, neither of them could hold a candle to Her Ladyship, if they had the balls to enter Her lair. Which they don't!"  
  
"Woohoo!" cheered Penn. "Damn right, Bast."  
  
"Indeed." Mytsie too agreed with Bast.  
  
Their bellowing echoed in the hills as they passed the group. Finally the shouting could not be heard any longer. Diane watched the two dark lords and then shook her head quietly.  
  
Aranel giggled. "But he's *still* sexy."  
  
Shada giggled too, agreeing.  
  
"Ew, you guys." Penn did *not* find Evil sexy.  
  
Bast shrugged. She didn't like getting into who she honestly thought sexy.  
  
Jay shrugged. "Different strokes. After all, can I talk?" She pulled a huge feather out of her bag and smiled.  
  
"Ooo..." Penn looked at Jay, and grinned. Maybe Evil wasn't so bad after all...  
  
"I think Morgoth has to compensate, though." Aranel said with a nod.  
  
"Oh I see..." Mytsie shot her a look and snickered.  
  
Meanwhile, Bast's attention had wandered. Her *true* LO, the male she drooled over, as opposed to Shelob, whom she admired, had entered her line- of-sight, and she obediently drooled.  
  
"Well why else is he always farting flames?" Aranel said, not noting Bast's faraway look.  
  
"Hmm, who's that over there?" Jay followed her gaze.  
  
"I think it's one of those little men," Penn replied casually.  
  
Shada's head snapped over to the approaching...hobbit?  
  
"Puppy boy? You lust after large-eyed Puppy boy?" Jay stowed the Metatron's feather back in her pack carefully and stared. This would be interesting...  
  
"Mmmmm.... hobbit..." Bast murmured, not noticing the others staring at her.  
  
"Hobbitssez?" Mytsie quoted in a gollum-like way.  
  
"Frodo?" Aranel giggled. "She likes Frodo?"  
  
Penn just rolled her eyes and sighed. Why anyone would be sexually attracted to a man half their own height, she would never understand.  
  
Diane shrugged, she could imagine why someone would want a man half their size but she didn't really care.  
  
"Puppy boy?" Jay repeated, still surprised.  
  
Shada continued to watch as well; Frodo's eyes were captivating, though she had never lusted after a Hobbit. Mytsie glanced over at Frodo and shrugged, hobbits didn't have that 'older' look so she wasn't interested.  
  
It wasn't the look, but he was just so cute... though Shada agreed with Mytsie.  
  
Bast was firmly NOT paying attention. Instead, she was very busily wondering just how much of a height difference 5'5" and 3'6" was.  
  
"So are you gonna take a picture of Frodo?" Aranel asked Jay. Jay did. And got a picture of Bast drooling, too.  
  
Abruptly (Bast did pretty much everything abruptly), the catgirl sensed eyes on her. "What?" she demanded. "What're you staring at???"  
  
'Hobbits, hmm, pet people,' Diane thought to herself and smiled. She preferred her men taller and even sometimes older, and more experienced.  
  
Shada herself preferred her men *much* older and also taller. And Mytsie and Shada apparently had damn near the same taste in men... well as far as height and age go, at least.  
  
"By the Valar!" Aranel suddenly dropped to the ground. "It's him! And Glorfindel," she added as an afterthought.  
  
"PICTURE!" There was a [click] *FLASH*.  
  
"Glorfindel?" Mytsie looked up and around.  
  
Shada got up and peered round as well. An Elf! What a miracle! "Thank Eru!" she exclaimed, though not so loudly as to give away their hideout.  
  
"Mablung!" Aranel clawed at Jay's feet. "Please! Picture!" The ability to speak coherently was apparently leaving her. Penn, meanwhile, was drooling profusely, and was of no use to anybody. Aranel crawled over to her bag and pulled out a towel. She handed it up to Penn all the while never looking away from her Ranger.  
  
Bast swore. "Dammit, now he's gone! Thanks for distracting me, girls. Y'know, I don't get to indulge the Pervy Hobbit Fancier thing too often. Too busy caring for Her Ladyship or getting out of trouble."  
  
Jay's Polaroid clicked furiously, and she handed out pictures. "Here," she said, absentmindedly handing Bast the now-developed Frodo picture.  
  
"I wonder if Frodo likes Sam Adams?" she asked the air. "I know Merry does." Then she noticed Jay's Polaroid. "For me? Really? Whoa!! Thanks!!"  
  
Shada, by now, had been sent to a state of near-paralysis, staring longingly at the Elf-lord, but she recovered in time to grab a picture of Glorfindel.  
  
Mytsie was thinking rather hard, and spared little of her time glancing at the lust objects. She finally looked up and blinked. "Hey, why don't we try to get... more... interesting pictures of them?" Mytsie suggested with a rather mischievous smirk. Shada knew that look, and wondered just what Mytsie was up to.  
  
"I'm almost sure we could... 'accidentally' stumble into a tree that looked into all the staff rooms on the west side of the building..." Mytsie coughed, for she had nearly slept in that tree once.  
  
"That doesn't work," Bast averred. "They keep blackout shades on that window, just to keep us out. Merry told me, once when he was getting me drunk. Or I was getting him drunk. Anyway, there was drinking involved."  
  
"Here's two more Glorfindels... just wave them in the air, they'll develop... Towels, PLEASE!" Numbly, Penn accepted the picture of Glorfindel. Jay had to grab it back to prevent drool from ruining the developing chemicals.  
  
Bast passed out the extra towels. One thing she'd learned during her apprenticeship to Shelob - there's no such thing as too many towels on hand.  
  
"Save them for May 25th."  
  
"Why?" Penn looked up at Jay, completely dazed. "What's May 25th?"  
  
"Towel Day." Jay's perpetual smile flickered.  
  
"Oh! I remember." Aranel grinned. "Good old Towel Day."  
  
"Towel Day, aye?" Mytsie smiled.  
  
Jay sighed sadly. "Douglas Adams. May he rest in peace..." She sniffed.  
  
Bast would have removed her hat, had she been wearing one. As it was, she bowed her head in homage. "The world lost a great, then. Like Mel Blanc or Jim Henson, he can never be replaced."  
  
Aranel sighed. "Very sad."  
  
"Ah," Mytsie sighed and bowed her head as well. "Indeed."  
  
On a lighter note, "Actually, I broke the habit of drooling," Shada confessed. "I took the 'Stop Drooling from Pooling' class last semester."  
  
"All PPC agents are broken of it early on," Jay informed her.  
  
"Well I guess that means Upstairs will be removing my salivary glands." Penn sounded a bit distressed as she said this.  
  
Jay nodded. "Yeah. We have to watch No Drool videos."  
  
"What are No Drool videos?" Aranel asked.  
  
"I think you can buy them in a three-pack," Shada offered. "They definitely come in a set."  
  
"Hey, did anyone but me ever wonder which Muppets would be cast in 'A Muppet Lord of the Rings'?" Bast still looked somewhat dazed.  
  
Shada shuddered at the thought of a Lord of the Rings Muppet special, shivering.  
  
"Sorry, don't drink much... beer." Diane shrugged and looked for her L.O. - or one of them, anyway.  
  
"Piggy is Arwen, Kermit is Aragorn." Jay mused.  
  
"Yes, but who's Frodo?" she wanted to know. Bast really was trying to keep the Frodo Fixation thing quiet, and failing miserably.  
  
Mytsie thought about a muppet version of Lord of the Rings and nearly choked at the thought of the Cookie-Monster as anyone.  
  
"Frodo," Jay muttered. "Hmmm. Beaker?" she ventured.  
  
"The Cookie Monster is Sauron," Penn stated emphatically. "No doubt."  
  
"The One Cookie." Mytsie snickered at the thought.  
  
"BEAKER?!?!?!??!? As FRODO?!?!?!?! Are you insane??????" Bast bellowed, attracting the brief attention of several passing mini's. But since no staff was threatened, they went about their business.  
  
"So they tell me," Jay shrugged.  
  
Aranel suddenly jumped up. "Oh no! I forgot, I have to clean the bathroom!" She glared. "My punishment, for drinking. Bye guys!"  
  
Jay waved. "Bye Aranel," Penn called.  
  
"Ja- Aranel," Mytsie exclaimed cheerfully.  
  
"*I* know! Bert is Frodo and Ernie is Sam. Or vice versa." Bast shouted.  
  
"Perfect, Bast!" Shada exclaimed.  
  
The meeting was obviously drawing to a close, and Shada as presiding officer ended it. "We'll meet again soon, sometime," she said uncertainly. Then as a last thought, "Noo! I didn't get a picture of Legolas!" Shada cried.  
  
Jay's pocket beeped. "VERDAMMTE! AGAIN!" She shook her head angrily. "Have to go. Damn, damn. Damn." She opened a portal quickly, and leaped through.  
  
Penn looked stricken. "Farewell, Jay!"  
  
Mytsie blinked as she saw the portal, and then a horrid realization struck her. "I didn't get a picture of Gandalf!" Mytsie wailed.  
  
Something was dropped carefully back through the portal, just before it closed. It was labeled: 'This camera property of Jay Thorntree. Use at your own risk.'  
  
Bast caught the camera before it hit the ground. "Hey, look at this! We CAN still take pictures, at least until Miss Cam catches one of us with this thing!"  
  
"Yay! The camera! You can have your Gandalf pic, Mytsie! And your Legolas pic, Shada!" Penn cheered.  
  
"Huzzah!" Mytsie cheered, and stared at the camera with a rather 'starry- eyed' look. A bright smile appeared on Shada's face, before she realized that trying to split up one camera was easier said than done.  
  
"Well this has been fun. I'll definitely have to make the effort to attend the next meeting." Diane stood and brushed away more grass.  
  
"Gotta go," Penn mumbled, suddenly remembering that she was in possession of an actual photograph of Glorfindel.  
  
The catgirl grew uncharacteristically thoughtful. "You know, I should hang on to this. The staff is used to me being in trouble, and Her Ladyship protects me a bit. I won't be as deep in the doo-doo as any of you when I'm caught. And you KNOW whoever holds this WILL be caught sooner or later."  
  
"I'm willing to take the risk," Shada said. "I can keep it, being the ranking officer."  
  
"Okay then...Whichever of you... If you see a cute Gandalf photo chance - You know what to do," Mytsie nearly sang.  
  
Bast glanced at Shada dubiously. "Are you sure? Elrond has a way of coming up with very creative, very nasty punishments."  
  
"You can always hide it in the barn, I won't say anything." Diane said as a final thought before heading off.  
  
"Not to mention the horrors if Miss Cam catches you herself..." Mytsie stopped and blinked.  
  
Shada grinned maliciously. "I have my ways of hiding illegal objects...don't worry about it."  
  
Bast REALLY didn't want to take the fall for this, as she'd had her fill of Bombadil poetry, but she was willing to, to spare her sisters. Still, if Shada was willing...  
  
Penn nodded absentmindedly at Bast, then quickly left, tripping over tree roots as she riveted her full attention on the photo in her hands. She could be heard all the way back to her dorm, mumbling, "Ai, my valiant Elf- Lord..."  
  
"Just let me keep it for a while," Shada begged. "I promise to take pictures of everyone's favorites as conspicuously as possible."  
  
"Ok, if you're sure," the catgirl said, tossing the camera to Shada.  
  
"Great!" Shada exclaimed with a sinister smile. She grabbed her books and headed off into the forest.  
  
"Well... I suppose that means 'Meeting Adjourned,'" Mytsie sighed, and walked off towards the main buildings.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Penn's Authoress' Note: And thus ends the craziest chapter of SNAOL ever. This was written by: Shada, Mytsie, Aranel, GreyLadyBast, Jay, Diane, me Pennhothwen, and... and... and that's it. In no particular order at all. And! Here are, at long last, some Authoress' Notes from the others! Woohoo!  
  
Aranel's Authoress' Note: Due to constant badgering from our beloved Pennhothwen, I Aranel shall say this... NEVER DRINK THE WATER. And also, please review our silly little story.  
  
GreyLadyBast's Authoress' Note: The portrayal of GreyLadyBast herein is entirely fictitious and bears little resemblance to the real GreyLadyBast, due primarily to the fact that the real personage keeps wholly to the Eleventh Commandment and does not get caught.  
  
Jay's Authoress' Note: I didn't do it! I didn't do it, you can't prove anything, and the sheep are lying! 


End file.
